列斯遊記

是昨天早上的事。我在工作，聽著耳筒亂點的歌。某些記憶中的景象，突然在腦中浮現。那是個陰天，還下著毛毛雨，而我正身處於兩排灰色的混凝土建築物之間。然後我想起來了，那是去年遊訪的列斯大學。

其實風景說來也無甚特別。校園在山坡上，首先映入眼簾的是一堆五六十年代的灰色混凝土建築物，間以樹木。其中兩幢之間有寬大而長的階梯，上有行人橋相連，而梯級的左邊就是圖書館大樓，跟港大開心公園有幾分相似。走上梯級，是大學本部，以十九世紀的紅磚建築為主。就跟很多其他校園一樣。

(The Cloth)workers' Court, University of Leeds

那時我剛考完試，還不想動筆寫論文，便出外走走。大概是在那如同泡沫般的劍橋住得太久了，竟有自覺「回歸現實」的喜悅。我無法不留意那明顯的，關乎教育使命的差別。在列斯，大學正中的紅磚屋之中，有名為The Clothworkers' Court的庭院，名號就鑄在兩扇鐵門之上，原是當地紡織工人合資建成的。門打開的時候，只看見右邊的話，會讓人誤以為名字就是Workers' Court。走到走廊的另一端，有大樓名為Old Mining School，裡面卻是藝術學院，正在舉行畢業生作品展。十九世紀末的英國社會，階級較今日分明，亦貧富懸殊。英格蘭其時僅有的兩所大學基本上只教授數學、神學、以及研究希臘羅馬的古典學(Classics)，亦只允許信奉英國國教的男生入學，實不能回應時代的需求。而學院住宿生活的高昂費用，亦非主流社會所能負擔。倫敦大學諸學院，便是以教授實用科技，或促進社會進步而設。而在北部的曼城、列斯和利物浦，當地名流和市民亦合資辦學，一來回饋當地工業，二來亦可讓有志青年留在本區升學。而這批在十九世紀末創辦，每每以紅磚為記的新大學，學科多元，招生不分信仰男女，其時也確開風氣之先。

Old Mining School入口處的煤灰畫，有舊時英國工會紋章的風格

我在列斯時，劍橋也正步入May Ball時節。那是各學院學生自辦的舞會，但場內有食物，有機動遊戲，又像嘉年華。門票介乎一百至二百多英鎊不等，大多需穿著晚禮服入場。

但若說劍橋未能與時俱進，又未免失之偏頗。同樣在十九世紀末，女生開始出現(但要遲至1948年方可正式取得學位)，亦容許未能負擔學院費用者入學(即後來Fitzwilliam College的前身)。但較之於倫敦以及北部的大學，劍橋似乎傾向於維持其保守的現狀，而無意擔當促進社會進步的角色。

筆者曾居住過的Clarkson Road。和旁邊的Wilberforce Road一樣，都是以十九世紀初劍橋出身，促成奴隸制度廢除的社會人士命名。

但我的想法，真的反映現實嗎？還是在下在劍橋那年，生活不盡快樂所造成的偏見？我想，如果把各種喜好之間的權重稍為調整一下的話，大概也可以得出相當不同的結論。而我甚至不敢說，這種準則，在過去和將來都不改變。人既非生而全知，我所能夠，並希望能做到的，只是在同一時間，能以同樣的準則，就我所知而應知的事實，去看待世間的一切。

願我可。

五年前的今天

「人們幾乎無法相信，後來他們所懷念的，只是那樣平平無奇的事物。」(鄧小樺)

五年前的今天考完高考最後一張卷。記得考場在禾輋邨，完卷後經翠榕橋過城門河走路回家。那晚在Xanga上寫了《高考回憶》，此後沒有再寫過類似的文章。那時已經漸漸明白，有半年可以專心做好一件事，毋須為外物費神，其實奢侈浪漫得不自然。自此以後，這種福氣，一次也沒有再碰到過。

還是會覺得，2014年四月應該是一個很遙遠的未來，不是現在。彷彿十九歲之後就該是十八歲，然後又十九，這樣才好。但五年已經過去：昂船洲大橋落成，母校人事亦幾番新，連立法會議員也不再絕食爭取2012雙普選了。《花樣年華》說，「那個時代已過去，屬於那個時代的一切，都不存在了」，但那又太誇張。不過劇中周慕雲從離港到回港，也不過三四年間的事。

既然沿路走到這裡，唯有走下去吧。詞人說盡量不要後退，但誰又能確定地辨別前後呢。

去年末代高考，曾經想寫一篇應節文章。連第一句都想好了：「今日高考行將就木，想為它說幾句話。這是因為它健在的時候，有無數人詛咒過它的死亡。」但，最後，還是沒有寫。太懶。不過寫不寫下來，其實也沒有分別。

不，有分別的，今天重讀《高考回憶》的我跟自己說。至少對我自己而言。

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臉書、臉書上的朋友、以及朋友

某個初夏，看見臉書上有朋友九百零幾個。然後回想開學時，某友人試圖用我臉書朋友的數字來「證明」我交遊廣博(當然不是) ，他看見的數字好像是……剛好九百。半年間新識不止十人。我猜想，如果不轉換環境，每年可以自然地認識若干新朋友。這個數字因人而異，但總不會大起大落。而臉書朋友的消失，大概是一些在朋友圈邊緣的點頭之交，心血來潮清理帳戶時選擇遺忘在下，這可以設想為朋友總數的一個百分比：光陰有限，「朋友」越多，邊界越長，友誼越難維持。於是朋友數量會漸漸穩定下來：新認識的朋友剛好抵消離你而去的舊相識。用代數表達，即是設每年平均新認識n個人(n因人而異)，朋友數為F，其中每年離開的比率為p，dp/dF>0，則有一F令n = pF，此時F則達到均衡，不上升不回落。圖解如下：

真實沒這麼簡單。到六月中，無端多了二十幾個「朋友」。都是考試前停用臉書的人。

因為英國號碼可以在港免費上網，回港時找出已成後備多時的Nokia手機，用來打香港電話。舊時的短訊、電郵，又再在螢幕上浮現。然後想起，有多少人事曾經從地平線遠處出現，走近，停下寒喧，或者深交，或者結伴走一段旅程，然後，或者，就在不經意間慢慢走遠，最後消失於地平線的另一邊。也許我們都應該悲傷，因為舊時的一切終將遠離；同時又應該滿懷希望，因為新的總會來臨。

昨夜的夢

今天聽Mockingbird音樂會的時候，忽爾想起昨夜的夢。我看見我在一片草地上，前後左右都有人，數量不明。我們排成幾行，最近的那位離我大約三步左右。我看見四周的人在跳舞，動作一致，步伐齊整。我想不起為何會在這裏。跟着跳吧，不可以想為甚麼要跳甚麼舞。不可以去想甚麼意義。專心繼續跳舞啊，要跳得比別人都好。但每當我掌握到節拍和舞步，開始熟練，周圍就開始有人轉跳新的舞，不一會兒，所有人都跟着新的節拍跳新的舞。新舞步從各個方向傳來。我模仿身邊的人的動作，試圖跟上眾人的腳步。但每當我熟練，在某處的某人可能已經開始了新的節拍。終歸是徒勞無功。

我記得的只有這些。沒有開始，也沒有終結。即使有，我也不曾記住。

見文不如聞名

讀中學時，不時聽見師兄老師提到某位舊生的事蹟。據聞是位屈機的文武全才。吾生也晚，他畢業後才入學，無緣一睹其風采，誠憾事也。最近聽說他開了一個網誌，月旦人事，風花雪月，好奇讀了幾篇，但覺見文不如聞名。

以前讀報，常覺專欄品質參差。某些寫手雖多年盤據副刊一角，其文筆識見，卻不見得勝過我認識的幾位同輩友人。後來明白，從報社的立場看，專欄或評論文章毋須字字珠璣；更重要的是，作者能日復日、月復月地準時交稿，質素穩定。每天付相當稿費，收回相當字數，剛好填滿相當版位，就已經很不錯了。而定期快速生產若干方塊字，不多不少，是天賦，也需要意志。

聽說歐陽修好像說過，「文章如精金美玉，市有定價，非人所能以口舌定貴賤也」。在下人微言輕，紛紛多言，豈能有益於左右，還是少發議論，多吃水果為佳。

臉書連結

因赤道幾內亞而認識的歌

幾天前沈旭暉教授在臉書上貼了一段「金正恩教材」，相當可怕：「1979年，剛全面掌控伊拉克政權的42歲領袖薩達姆舉行全黨高層大會，全程錄播，會議中他宣佈發現「叛徒集團」，以黨總書記Muhyi Abdel-Hussein為首，然後吩咐總書記逐個讀出「叛徒」名字，全體高層面無人色，被點名的立刻被帶離會場，最後68人上榜，22人被判死刑，即時由其他倖存的復興黨高層親自執行，最終總書記也被處決。薩達姆全程悠閒地抽雪茄，經此一役就確立最高領導權威。」

今晚遊走於維基百科，方知一山還有一山高。關於赤道幾內亞前獨裁者Francisco Macías Nguema的條目是這樣寫的：
During Christmas of 1975 he [Francisco Marcias Nguema] ordered about 150 of his opponents killed. Soldiers dressed up in Santa Claus costumes executed them by shooting at the football stadium in Malabo, while amplifiers were playing Mary Hopkin's "Those Were the Days".」

可怕而荒謬的場景。這個晚上，反覆播著"Those Were the Days"，想像著三十八年前的聖誕節，非洲島國的一個空曠的足球場上，獨裁者坐在觀眾席上，看著穿扮成聖誕老人的士兵逐一槍決或許是舊日戰友的政敵，而揚聲器傳來Mary Hopkin的歌聲，正唱著「Those were the days, my friend / We thought they'd never end」...竟覺比電影更有電影感。李安廢礦場那幕戲拍得再好，大概也不能勝過荒謬的現實。不知道Macías Nguema回府的時候，身邊人會否發現他氣色不佳，而他又會否如渡邊徹一樣，以「I'm fine, thanks, just feeling kind of blue."」回應呢？

其實我只是想推介一首歌而已。因赤道幾內亞而認識的歌。
「Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and...」

註：維基條目引用來源寫得不明不白，不能盡信。另找到華盛頓郵報2001的報導，細節頗有出入：「... [Macías Nguema] on Christmas 1975 executed 150 alleged coup plotters in the national stadium while a band played Those Were the Days.」

To the Cambridge postgraduate applicant: what does a college mean to you?

[Note: This letter is written for a friend in HKU who is about to apply to Cambridge. As it must be, all views conveyed here are personal and subjective]

Dear friend,

You told me you were thinking about applying to do a master’s in Cambridge. I hope you will enjoy it. However, Cambridge is such a peculiar (positively or not) place, and I would like to tell you some of the things that I wish somebody had told me before I went to Cambridge.

Firstly, at postgraduate level, all teaching is carried out by the faculty/department. You may have heard about the famous 1-to-2 supervisions (known as tutorials in Oxford), but they are only offered to undergraduates, mainly by colleges. Teaching at master’s level is mainly lectures and classes (perhaps 1-to-30 – that what I had for MPhil Economics), and is probably not as exceptional as you might have expected.

As colleges do not teach, they serve only two purposes for you: (i) a place to have meals and socialise, and (ii) an institution that will most likely provide you accommodation. Once you get admitted by the department, the Board of Graduate Studies will refer your applications to two colleges of your choice, and must ultimately find you a college somehow. There are a few types of colleges:

1.         Traditional, undergraduate colleges (Trinity, St John’s, Clare, Trinity Hall...)

These are the colleges that most tourists associate Cambridge with – pretty old buildings with 400+ year old history, with Isaac Newton or Oliver Cromwell on their list of alumni. However, they tend to be very undergraduate-focused. As they expand to take more students over past decades, they tend to put masters student (not PhD – they could serve as wardens etc after first year) in off-campus houses that they acquired. An analogy might be you are a member of Ricci Hall, and you can go to social events and its canteen whenever you want, but you actually live in a flat in Kennedy Town owned by Ricci (and you pay rent to Ricci). Very often the MCR (postgrad social room) is located in the college, and it tends to be quite quiet except on the days when the committee holds some formal event, while the JCR – the undergrad common room – tend to be crowded.

2.       Postgraduate / mature colleges (St Edmund’s, Wolfson, Clare Hall…)

These are mainly new colleges founded over the 19th and 20th centuries as Cambridge was becoming a research university. They do not have undergraduates, which mean you do not have great balls after exams – but it also means you don’t see drunken people on the corridor much, and you are right in the heart of the college. Postgrads are normally placed on campus (except Hughes Hall, which do not have a campus at all), and they tend to be quite close to each other. They also tend to treat you more like an adult – their kitchen facilities tend to be better, while in undergraduate colleges they (understandably) are more concerned with fire hazard…

3.       New undergraduate colleges (Churchill, Fitzwilliam, Newnham, Girton, Homerton…)

They are the new colleges founded in 19th or 20th century for various social causes – Churchill in 1960 to foster science and engineering (they are quite easy-going, and they don’t even wear gowns – being ‘modern’ became part of their tradition), Fitzwilliam to cater for poorer students who can’t afford full college life, Newnham and Girton to further womens’ education, and Homerton to train teachers. Personally, I attach more admiration to the founders of these colleges than the conservative, stubborn, and posh masters of the established colleges in 19th century; they truly opened the university to talents of both genders and from all background. They tend to be less pompous, and because they are in more spacious corners of Cambridge, they usually place postgrads on / near to their main campus.                       

4.       My preferred options (Corpus Christi, Peterhouse, Pembroke, perhaps a few more)

These are all old colleges (founded before 1500), but don’t have the fame of Trinity. This means they’re easier to get in. Corpus has a separate campus (Leckhampton) for postgrads, complete with MCR, library, its own canteen, and the deputy master. So you have the experience of being in an old college, while you also have the amenities and bonding (far from undergrads) of a postgrad college. It’s like you get best of both worlds. Pembroke and Peterhouse also tend to place students near to their own campus.

Your college will be a big part of your life in Cambridge. Although it does not teach you, it has a big impact on what you eat and where you live. Choose your college wisely – have a look on their websites, especially where the postgrads are placed (much of the headlines will be targeting undergrads, so be careful), and think about what you want to get out of a year in Cambridge. Chat to me whenever you want to.

And, finally, have the best of luck!

Cheers,

E.