Saturday 26 August 2017

在九龍塘站看路線圖的人

多謝Queenie(臉書/個人網頁)穿針引線,明報玲子撥冗越洋致電。那天本來預計談十五分鐘的,怎料到在地鐵站外面東拉西扯有的沒的,竟然談了差不多一整個小時,浪費了別人的時間,實在不好意思。昨天讀到明報報導,我凌亂的思緒竟能整理出四百多字來,文字也比我寫得好多了,喜出望外。

文中的我說,「我也許像在九龍塘站轉車,站着看路線圖的人吧。」可能因篇幅所限,有點突然。在本來的對話裏面,我說,Queenie攝影展所描述的「半移民」,終歸是一種暫時的狀態。我很難想像,再過十年,照片裏居所的住客都三十到尾的時候,還能保留這種心理狀態:或者會安定下来,融入在此/彼邦的生活;或回港發展;或搬到另一個地方去。要不然——我希望不會——變成一個「海外港人」,腦中只有回憶中而不屬於當時的香港,也有可能。但「半移民」的狀態,我說,大概是一個中途站吧,大家都在這裏轉車,但除了在荒野中露宿的人,沒有誰長久停留的。

我這樣言不及義地說了一陣,大概連玲子也不耐煩了吧。「那麼,你呢?」我靜默了好幾秒,腦中想起有17個轉車月台的Clapham Junction車站,繁忙時段平均每30秒有一班火車經停時的資訊顯示板。然後又記起某年冬天一個下着冷雨的凌晨,在捷克波蘭邊境,多條鐵路交匯的小城Bohumin站轉火車的情景。但總不能要玲子給讀者讀甚麼Clapham Junction、甚麼Bohumin的嘛。於是說,我大概是在九龍塘的轉車人潮裏面,看著路線圖,在尋找適合路線的人吧。

「香港朋友來訪,說起前陣子去了巴黎,竟然想在那幅地圖上找巴黎,香港人看見香港地圖都不認得!」講緊你呀 Malee 😛

「周慕雲也是拖個篋就去新加坡了。」這應該是《花樣年華》的情節。當時沒有想到,他三四年之後就重臨舊地,我一走卻就是八年。我還沒去過吳哥窟。或者也該找個機會去。

掛線時我習慣性地說了句「have a good day」,然後又覺有點突兀。便問,對不起我忘了,在香港掛線時通常都說甚麼。玲子說,她也不肯定,大概是「得閒飲茶」吧。

係囉,得閒飲茶吖。

在Bohumin轉車。自攝於2011年12月18日凌晨2時14分。

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臉書連結
明報:《居英半移民 唔上唔落時》

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「Quasi-Immigrant 半移民」 攝影展

展期:27.8.2017 – 2.9.2017
地點:香港中環史丹頓街35號
時間:星期一至五 7 - 10pm | 星期六、日 11am - 6pm

展覽詳情
攝影集詳情/預購

Saturday 19 August 2017

試問嶺南應不好

English version

某次Queenie有事來倫敦,在我家暫住。晚飯閒聊時她忽然轉用認真的語氣,說在我家做了一些事情,希望我不要介意。我以為是打破了玻璃杯之類的小事,便說,不妨直說呀。原來她在公寓的不同角落拍了照片,打算辦一個專題攝影展。這個我當然不可能在意呀。然後她問,可不可以幫她聯絡一些在倫敦工作,與我們份屬同代的香港人朋友。我說,我盡量試試。

事情就是這樣開始的。然後,我一一回想起在英國住過的地方。

我是在2009年考過高考,去倫敦讀大學的。第一年住在校方營運的宿舍裏面。是七層高,有地庫的大樓,名為「堤邊屋」,就在現代藝術館Tate Modern的後面,步行上學需時大約25分鐘。是大概百餘方呎大的單人房,地上舖了灰藍色的地氈。偌大的房間裏放了一張單人床,感覺有點空虛,不過總不能抱怨這個。米白色的牆上貼了幾塊正方形的小鏡子,相信是前人在宜家買來的。租金相應地貴:我現在還記得,那是每日£20.27;八年過去,想必又上漲了不少。

堤邊屋 (2009-2010)
校方只保證在學第一年的宿位,之後就要抽籤。我沒有抽到,和兩位香港來的同學合租了個三房一廳小單位。大廈在校園附近,以紅磚建成,樓高四層,是1905年建成的公共房屋,現在也是英國二級保護建築。我們的居所在3樓,沒有電梯,出入都靠樓梯上落,不過很快就習慣了。為了省錢,我選了最小的房間,安排成上床下枱的格局,還算不錯。屋邨內廣植樹木,秋天到來時滿樹滿地都是紅葉和黃葉,相當漂亮。不過終歸是沒有住下去,我和其中一位朋友搬到市中心外的施查佛。

邦邨理登樓 (2010-2011)
在宿舍時,有新加坡和葡萄牙的朋友,他們都在房間裏掛了本國的旗。大二三之間的暑假我去了香港書展,經過地政總署的攤位,便買了一張香港全境地圖,貼在新居客廳的牆上。是兩房一廳的單位,窗外的景色從大樹變成了停車場,遠處還有瑪莎的霓虹燈招牌。那年和室友初試調酒,我常會自製長島冰茶,貪其用料平易:可樂、檸檬、再加上四種不同的烈酒,都是家常之物。試過在淒冷漆黑的冬夜,一邊獨酌,一邊看著街燈在濃霧中打出昏黃的圓。當然這是例外:在不安與無助之中找工作、報碩士和讀書,才是當年的常態。

Queenie也是那年認識的。她和另一位朋友來英旅遊,打算在聖誕前後在我們處暫住幾天感受氣氛,就搭飛機到北部去。寒暄沒兩句,就實在的告訴他們,英港兩地法律風俗都不同。在這邊,所謂普天同慶,是店舖關門、火車地鐵停駛、巴士服務暫停,大家都回家過節的意思。我們煮了火雞、開了香檳,寧靜地渡過佳節。

斯查佛者利拉花士坊公寓大廈 (2011-2012)
大學畢業前一直把持不定,工作有在找,碩士課程也有在報。最後離開倫敦到別處繼續學業時,學院的宿位已滿。我被分配到城市外圍的一間獨立屋。屋有兩層,外牆白色,不過門前有大樹,又種了頗高的灌木作籬笆,站在路上也不易看見。地下有個獨立的一房一廳單位,權充教員宿舍;餘下的部份劃為一個大廚房,一個大廳,八間大小不一、租金不一的單人房,和三個共用的洗手間。門前有大家泊單車的小車房。對面就是新落成的數學研究所;屋友之中,只有一位不是數學系的。屋後有很大的草地,據說夏天在那裏燒烤相當悏意。不過那年的冬天很長,四月還在下雪,之後又忙於考試、寫論文,只好錯過。門前的路名為格勒臣道,外出轉左則是威伯福斯道,均以十九世紀的廢奴倡議者命名,二人同在本城一學院出身。這裏已是城市的盡頭。走過大學運動場,便是大片的麥田。晚上踏單車回家的話,常會看見滿天星宿,大概也是地處偏僻,光源稀少之故。

劍橋格勒臣道 (2012-2013)
然後回到倫敦工作。第一個月寄居在遠房表姐家,一邊工作,一邊和朋友找地方租住,最後又回到施查佛區,在一座公寓大廈的4樓安頓下來。是兩房一廳的單位,客廳有落地玻璃,窗前就是倫敦地鐵的車廠和訓練中心,感覺相當空曠,還可以遠眺金絲雀碼頭一帶的摩天大廈。我們購置了紫色的地氈,屋友又添置了咖啡機和榨汁機,就這樣住了兩年。

施查佛哈靈士碼頭公寓大廈 (2013-2015)
兩年前搬家,又回到大學三年級曾租住的公寓大廈,連樓層也一樣(1樓),只是門牌號碼有所不同。這就是Queenie紀錄的浮光掠影所在。

另:之前聯絡上了一位剛過三十歲生日的朋友,可惜Queenie貴人事忙,最後未能前往她家拍照。她後來看見攝影計劃介紹中「二十出頭,三十未立」一語,問是不是年齡歧視。呃,呢個問題,我哋先交返比主辦人士.......

Places in the UK that I lived in

中文版

A while ago, Queenie was staying at my place in London. While we were having small talks over a supper, her tone suddenly became serious and said she hoped I wouldn't mind something she did in the afternoon. I thought she probably broke a glass or did something similarly minuscule, and said, go ahead, just say it. It turns out she had taken a set of photographs in the flat and had this idea of starting a photography project. Of course I wouldn't have minded. And then she asked me to connect her with Hong Kong people of our generation who are working in London. I could try my best, I said.

This is how it started. And, inside my mind, I started to recount all the places I've been a tenant in the UK.

I did my A-levels in Hong Kong and went to London to read a degree in 2009. In my first year in university, I lived in Bankside House, a residential hall run by the School. It was a seven-storey high building complete with a basement, right behind Tate Modern. It usually takes me around 25 minutes to walk to school. It was a spacious room - perhaps just over 100 sq ft - carpeted with a subdued hue of greyish blue and with a single bed. It almost feels empty and too big, but I suppose I can't complain about that. My predecessor attached a few Ikea square mirrors to the otherwise plain walls, which were painted in a kind of white-ish cream. The rent was accordingly high: I could still recall that it was £20.27, and it must have gone up quite a bit over the eight intervening years.

Bankside House (2009-2010)
The School only guaranteed accommodation for first-year students; a small number of hall places were allocated to second- and third-year students by ballot, which I had no luck with. I rented a small 3-bedroom flat with two other coursemates from Hong Kong. The flat was on the third floor of a Grade-II-listed red-brick four-storey building in a council estate, which was built in 1905 to resettle former residents of Dickensian dwellings which were being cleared at the time. It had no lifts and we had to use the stairs every day, which we get used to sooner than we thought. To save money, I chose the smallest room, bought a loft bed and placed a worktop beneath. There were many trees in the housing estate. In autumn there were glamorous red and yellow leaves. But we did not stay long there, and the next year I moved out of central London, to Stratford, with one of the friends.

Ledam Building, Bourne Estate (2010-2011)
When I was in Bankside House I had Singaporean and Portuguese friends who had their respective flags on the wall in their rooms. In the summer between my second and third years, I bought a large map of Hong Kong from the Lands Department's stall at the Book Fair. It later became a prominent feature of our flat's living room that year. It was a two-bedroom flat with a view of a car park, plus a multi-storey car park behind it, and a Mark & Spencer's neon sign afar. My flatmate and I started to make cocktails that year. My favourite was Long Island Iced Tea: its ingredients - coke, lemon, and four different spirits - are all kitchen staples. Once, on a cold dark winter night, I was sipping from my glass on my own while I looked/stared at the amber circles that streetlamps make in the heavy fog. Of course, this was an exception of my life: the norm was to seek jobs, apply to master's programmes and study in a general feeling of unease and being lost.

I also came to know Queenie that year. She was travelling in the UK with a friend of hers, and the plan was to stay at our place for a few days and have a feel of the festive atmosphere in London around Christmas before they fly north. While our small talk could still be described as 'brief', I told them honestly, the UK is not like Hong Kong. The law and the customs are different. Over here, Christmas is also celebrated by all - and that's why all shops would be closed, all train and bus services do not run, and everyone spends time with their families. We did not have family with us, so we roasted a small turkey, opened a bottle of champagne, and quietly celebrated Christmas in our own way.

Gerry Raffles Square, Stratford (2011-2012)
I was quite lost when it comes to what I should do after graduation. I applied to three master's programmes and quite a few employers. When I finally made up my mind and decided to do a master's outside London, there were no rooms left on college site. I was sent off to a white two-storey house away from the city centre, which was fairly well-concealed from the road by some tall bushes and a big tree. A teaching fellow and his fiancée occupied the one-bedroom flat on the ground floor. The rest of the house was divided into a big kitchen, a big living room, three bathrooms, and eight single rooms of varying sizes. There was also a tiny garage where we park our bikes. All but one of my housemates were mathematicians, as we were opposite the new Institute for Mathematical Sciences. Behind our house, there was a large garden; I heard good things about the barbeques that had happened on the grass there, but I sadly missed it: the winter was long that year - it was still snowing in April - and I became too occupied with my exams and thesis when summer finally came. The house was on a Clarkson Road, which leads to Wilberforce Road if I turn left as I leave the house - both were named after 19th-century abolitionists who went to the same college. This was truly the edge of the city: if one walks past the University Sports Ground on Wilberforce Road, he comes to the sight of endless fields of wheat. The sky was so dimly lit that I could see not only stars but constellations, whenever I cycled home on a cloudless night.

Clarkson Road, Cambridge (2012-2013)
After I finished my master's, I returned to London and started working. I lodged at a second-degree cousin's place in my first month while I was looking for a place with a friend. And we again ended up in Stratford, in a two-bedroom flat on the fourth floor. It has a large floor-to-ceiling window with a view of London Underground's repairs facilities and training centre and Canary Wharf's skyscrapers further afield. We bought a purple rug, and my flatmate added a coffee machine, and we spent two years there.

Hallings Wharf Studios, Stratford (2013-2015)
I moved again two years ago - back to the apartment building I once lived in when I was in my third year in university. I even stayed on the same floor (1/F) - only the door number changed. And it was in this apartment that the lights and shadows Queenie so artfully immortalised once happened.

P.S.: I tried to put Queenie in touch with a friend who just turned 30. Unfortunately, Queenie had her diary fully packed, and couldn't visit her place. My friend later read "aged 20-30" in the description, and enquired whether she was excluded because of her age. Well, I'll hand this question back to the organiser...

Friday 11 August 2017

常期望安定 還期望即興

週日午後去大英博物館看葛飾北齋作品展。在展場裏待了兩個半小時,出來時覺得口渴,便找了家酒館,和同行的朋友各自點了啤酒和蘋果酒,然後坐下聊天。

週日曾到的Princess Louise酒館
朋友說,之前看見公司的日本分部有缺,就填表報名。最近東京回訊說很樂意錄取他,但思慮再三,還是推辭了。我說,為甚麼呢;有機會的話,我也想借調去東洋工作一兩年呢。況且以他的日語水平,在那邊生活絕對不成問題。他說,過去一兩年當然求之不得,但這是個長期職位。啊,我說,那我明白了。畢竟他不是日本人,東京也不是倫敦或者紐約,他補充道。

我打趣說,香港對外面來的人也很好,不過我們大概都不算外人。

那麼你呢,朋友問,你有沒有去別處的打算?

沒有具體的計劃,我說,況且找工作辦簽證也不是一時三刻就能辦妥的事。不過如果可以的話,或者會想在三十歲前去一個新的地方,住上一兩年。有沒有特別想去的地方?沒有呀,但澳洲或者新加坡好像都不錯。不是說英國有甚麼不好,只是在一個地方待久了,就會想轉換一下環境吧。朋友說他能理解。

近來以亂序重讀書架上的小說。偶然想到自己六七年前引過的一小段,又想起這事。

**

「我覺得我過去的人生,好像總是經常想要變成另外一個人似的。我經常想要到新的地方、過新的生活、在那裡漸漸養成新的人格。我過去重複這樣好幾次。那在某種意義上是成長,某種意義上是類似人格替換似的東西。不過不管怎麼說,我希望因為變成不同的人,而能夠從過去自己所抱有的甚麼之中解放出來。我真的是,認真的,在追求這個,並且相信只要努力,總有一天這會變成可能。不過結果我想我哪裡也沒去成。我不管到哪裡都只不過是我而已,我所抱著的缺陷,不管到哪裡,依然還是同樣的缺陷。不管周圍的風景如何改變,人們說話的腔調怎麼改變,我只不過是個不完整的人。[…]在某種意義上,因為那缺陷本身就是我自己呀。」

村上春樹《國境之南 太陽之西》,頁232


臉書連結

Thursday 3 August 2017

國境之南

早前寫到爵士樂《South of the Border》,便上網找來聽。以下是原唱者Gene Autry在1939年為其主演的同名電影灌錄的版本。法蘭仙納杜拉1953年也唱過這首歌,網上不難找到。原來曾幾何時,美國和香港一樣,也常有歌影兩棲的藝人。後來大概是市場漸大,從事者專注其一已經足夠,術業有專攻,便不再分神兼顧。

在村上的《國境之南 太陽之西》裏面,島本和阿始聽的是Nat King Cole(納金高)的唱片。但上網一查,卻發現納金高從來沒有灌錄過這首歌。但這有甚麼所謂呢;小說裏的情節,也許也只是想像的產物。

我懷疑,如果村上從島本的視角寫小說的話,阿始的角色或許就是歌中的南國女子。但這本來就是常見的故事大綱;把情節分拆重組,把男女主角的戲份對調,也還是同樣的,可能每月每天在世界不同角落發生的故事。

 

**
Then she sighed as she whispered mañana
Never dreaming that we were parting
And I lied as I whispered mañana
For our tomorrow never came
「明天再說吧。」島本說。「明天,我會甚麼都告訴你。所以現在你甚麼都不要問。今天還是甚麼都不知道比較好。如果我現在說出來,你會永遠回不了原來的地方噢。」

「反正我已經不回去原來的地方了啊,島本。而且說不定明天不會來呢。而且如果明天沒來,那麼我就永遠完全不知道妳心中抱著甚麼樣的事了。」

「如果明天真的不來倒好了。」島本說。「如果明天不來,你就可以甚麼都不知道了。」

( 《國境之南 太陽之西》,頁209。)

**
South of the border, I jumped back one day
There in a veil of white, by the candlelight, she knelt to pray
The mission bells told me that I mustn't stay
South of the border, down Mexico way
明天當然是來了。可是醒來時,卻只剩我一個人。雨已經完全停了,透明光亮的晨光從臥室窗口射進來。 時鐘指着九時過,床上沒有島本的身影。[...]我想會不會有甚麼留言之類的,我在家裏每個角落都找遍了,但甚麼也沒有。連她曾經來過的痕跡也沒有。

島本不見蹤影之後屋子裏空蕩蕩的令人窒息,好像空氣中混雜了甚麼粗粗的粒子似的,吸進空氣時覺得喉嚨好像被卡住似的。然後我想起了唱片。她送給我的納金高的老唱片。但不管怎麼走都沒看見那唱片。島本走的時候似乎也把那一起帶走了。

島本又從我眼前消失了。這次既沒有可能也沒有暫時。

( 《國境之南 太陽之西》,頁210。)

**

在西班牙語裏面,mañana的意思是明天。

臉書連結